


The Many Misadventures of the Young Marauders

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Action, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-03
Updated: 2007-01-01
Packaged: 2019-01-19 23:13:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12420228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: The young Marauders and the variety of comprimising situations they seem to wriggle themselves into. (Though, Remus always pleads innocent and blames it all on Sirius,Ifor one, don't believe him.)





	1. Of Bathrooms, Animal Crackers, and Bugs.

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

"The Many Misadventures of the Young Marauders"

Hello, hello. My first adventure into fanfic that I'm actually sort of proud of *hugs fic to chest* :D

These chapters will be rather short and each a one-shot pretty much, with maybe some refs to other chapters, or a two-shot and such and such. 

Enjoy!

"The Many Misadventures of the Young Marauders"

I looked out at what used to be my mother's sparkling bathroom with a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. I glanced to my side at my partners-in-crime and saw them sitting on the floor, all three wearing identical expressions of shocked disbelief when we heard the alarms for the wards go off...signaling the return of the adults. Everyone present visibly cringed and we trudged out of the bathroom to meet our fate, trailing water and shards of wood in our wake, the sound of the still-running water as our anthem.

It all started when Sirius, Remus, and Peter came over for our play date and the adults went outside to talk. We were sitting at the impeccable dining table when Sirius poked me in the arm three times in quick succession. "Hey James! You know what would be fun? Do you know? Of course you don't because, I know what we could do! We could start a club. Yeah! Yeah, and Remus and Peter, you can be in it, too!" He said excitedly, hopping out of his chair and bouncing on the balls of his feet. He set his innocent six-year-old face into a pleading pout, willing us to go with his plan. 

"But- Sirius, won't Mrs. Potte-," Remus started, a note of caution played in his voice, his eyes downcast. 

"Mrs. Potter NEVER gets mad, Remus! Don't be such a worrywart! Come on!" Sirius cut him off and then grabbed his hand and pulled him out of his chair. 

"IT COULD BE IN THE BATHROOM!" was my one brilliant contribution to the "Club" and they rest of the pack heartily agreed that it was the best spot. We grabbed some animal crackers from our aging house elf, Gracey, a ream of paper, four muggle ball point pens, and locked ourselves into the well-organized, scrubbed-clean, bathroom with no idea of the impending doom that awaited us.

Everything was going along impressibly well, until Sirius decided we were in need of a potions project. Choruses of "Great Idea!" rang our around the bathroom and we started out on the unplanned project. 

We took some animal crackers, bit off the heads, tossed them into the toilet, and _flushed_. Unfortunately, the fact that Peter's hand was still in the toilet was sadly disregarded until the small six-year-old began to wail and thrash about the small bathroom. The toilet gurgled unpleasantly and started to spew its innards on the sparkling tiles of the bathroom floor when the light were suddenly extinguished. I could hear Sirius cackling through the chaos and the feeling in the pit of my stomach tripled in intensity, knowing that the worst was yet to come, when I felt something crawl across the palm of my hand.

To say the least, I went _ballistic._ I let out an ear-piercing shriek and I flailed, hitting the tap and the drain stop in my madness. Remus started pulling on the door knob which had become jammed sometime during our escapade, Peter still thrashing about on the floor while Sirius still cackled on, when we all head a very loud, sickeningly audible, "CRACK."

All the chaos stopped at once as we turned our heads in a would-be-comically slowly manner (had the situation not been so grave), towards the source of the terrible, terrible sound. Remus was sitting on the water-covered floor clutching half of the door knob and a large piece of wood in his small hand. He was staring at the items with a stunned expression on his face and his mouth agape.

"James?" I heard my mother's voice call, and a loud groan sounded in unison throughout the bathroom as we stood with heavy hearts and even heavier minds to go meet what was sure to be a horrible, horrible punishment.


	2. Of Chocolate and Antique End Tables

The Many Misadventures of the Young Marauders

Hey guys. I'm back for chapter two! In the POV of Remus. 

Have fun!

"The Many Misadventures of the Young Marauders"

I watched with a slightly amused eye as Sirius crouched down to grasp at the candy wrapper that littered the carpet of my quaint home for the third time, his mannerisms growing more frustrated each time he went to acquire the pesky wrapper. He stood once again and gave an immature stamp of his foot, his eyes rapidly heading towards the ceiling as he gave an annoyed eye roll. 

I found a rather cushy chair and plopped down into it, ready to watch the show that was sure to occur, as my now-curious eyes followed Sirius' movements as the candy wrapper evaded his efforts yet again, as it moved forward of its own accord to escape capture. He stood, folded his small arms and put on what looked like a thinking face.

_Thinking face- what am I saying? This is_ ** _Sirius_** _,_ I thought dryly, my eyes rolling in their sockets before focusing back on the scene rapidly unfolding before me.

As the candy wrapper moved yet again, a terrible realization hit my mind while I looked in horror at the chocolate stain the evasive wrapper was leaving in its wake. My eyes widened to a rather impossible size and I jumped out of my cushy chair to grab Sirius' hand tightly in my own, preventing him from doing anymore damage to the once-pristine carpet. He swiveled around to face me, shook his hand free from my death grip, and stated in a slightly maniacal tone, "Remus, this is more than just a candy wrapper. This is WAR."

He scampered off towards the wrapper and I whimpered slightly as I followed the chocolate trail as it grew until no trace of the white carpet was to be seen under the blanket of milk chocolate that the abandoned candy wrapper never seemed to run out of. I climbed up onto the couch in an effort to stay clean, spotting the stain heading toward my left trainer. In the middle of the catastrophic site, I saw Sirius, running in circles and slipping occasionally, while the candy wrapper sped out of his reach. He lunged forward in a sudden movement, missing the candy wrapper and landing face-first into the chocolate puddle that was now my living room. 

I saw him rummage about under the chocolate for a bit before leaping up and out of the goop, flinging a hand up in triumph as he yelled, "GOTCHA!" 

This would have been a moment of triumph, had Sirius' triumphant hand gesture not gone astray and not hit my mothers' prized antique end table. Alas, this was not so, and while Sirius was still grinning triumphantly, I was staring at the spot next to him at the collapsed table that was now covered in melted chocolate with nothing short of repressed horror in my gaze.

Sirius, being Sirius, noticed nothing and turned his attention to the struggling sweet wrapper in his grip. I stared on in horror, thinking only of the terrors that would become of me once my mother returned home. Sirius was now using both hands to keep the candy wrapper in his possession, and in one hard tug, it broke free of his vice-like hold and darted off, away from his prying hands and if you listened closely you could hear it mumbling about perverts and common courtesy. 

He fell heavily onto the chocolate-covered ground with a splash (that coated several pieces of furniture, mind you), and a groan. 

"It got away...," He murmured, mostly to himself as he lay, covered from head-to-toe in milk chocolate and not caring one bit. 

And I, abandoning all hopes of staying clean, plopped down right next to him (with a splash that coated any remaining pieces of clean furniture), "My future...," I said, as I thought of the punishment that lay in store once my mother returned from her outing. 

I idly wondered where the house elf that was appointed to look after us was, before I let my head drop with a thud onto the chocolate, duly noting the maniacal cackling that filled my ears and the fact that it sounded suspiciously like James. 


	3. Of Ceilings and Sirius

The Many Misadventures of the Young Marauders

A/N: For rose_pagonias, an explanation of sorts. 

Okay, this may have occurred to some of you who've been keeping with the story, but it seems highly improbable that the Marauders would be friends at a very early age. Up to this point, I haven't really thought all that much about it, but now, I think I'm going to the chapter after next as a sort of flashback chapter to how they all met. Yes, it will most likely be off-canon, and yes, it will probably be a bit more than a little stupid and a lot more of, 'How the HELL would that even HAPPEN?' But, alas. The story of my life :). 

Now that I've wasted half of your life with my rambling, I present:

Of Ceilings and Sirius

Remus was hanging from a rafter supporting James Potter's roof, his arms hanging loosely over his head, the force of gravity slowly taking the toll on the grip of his legs on the thin piece of wood. Sirius sat far below, in a pile of wood, plaster and stray rubble, a forlorn expression on his small face, looking up at Remus in his perilous position with a helpless sigh, and he fell back against the small hill and stared at the ceiling, willing a spark of brilliance to reveal itself within the bowels of his six-year-old mind.

Remus thought back to the beginning of their _adventure_ \- for lack of better word- biting back a scowl, partly from thinking on his stupidity at being suckered into yet another one of Sirius' schemes and partly because another splinter had just punctured the soft underside of his leg. He doubted he would fall even if he let go, if only for the sheer amount of splinters pinning him to the wood.

The sharp pain brought his mind back to the beginning of the adventure, where the pain was not so very different than this. - Sirius was standing on Remus' finger, ignoring his many exclamations of pain and pleas for him to _please_ move his fat bum off of his appendagesÂ _thank you_ , while he felt a wall of the Potter manor with apt interest, running his small hands along each crack and crevice. What he was looking for, Remus knew not.

The wall jumped open with a BANG and Sirius jumped off of Remus' hand to run inside with a delighted squeal. Remus stared at the wall with undisguised incredulity before giving a series of rapid blinks and slowly as if in a daze, following Sirius into the hole.

As he stepped into the hole, he was overcome with the smell of old magic and dust. He sneezed.

A low creaking filled his ears along with a lone shout of glee accompanying it.

"Remus! Remus! D' you hear that? D' you?" Sirius questioned frantically, tripping slightly over his words in his excitement, jumping up and down. "Come here, now then? Come here!"

Remus walked toward him and saw he was standing next to a particularly dilapidated floorboard, prodding it with his foot, clapping his hands at the creaking noise each time it sounded, and getting braver, first putting half of his weight onto the obviously delicate floor board, then moving on to standing on top of it, jumping up and down, the noise sounding more vicious by the second. - And then it stopped. The sound replacing it was familiar, but never really welcomed. It was the sound of crashes and destruction, cracks and bangs; the sound of Sirius falling into yet another disaster and the sound signalling me to help him out.

I heaved a distressed sigh, but true to my call, I stared down into the hole, looking with sharp eyes to detect any movement, ears trained to any sound of apparent pain.

"Nghh...," I heard. "Sirius?" I questioned into the hole, my voice echoing slightly in the blackness. "Right nasty fall...," Sirius grumbled, then suddenly his voice turned bright, "Remus, you have to get down here!" 

"Are you joking?" I asked dryly. 

"Does it _look_ like I'm joking?" he replied. 

"I can't _see_ you," I pointed out.

"Oh." There was a pause. 

"I didn't look like I was joking, just so you know." 

Then, abruptly, a small hand shot out of the hole and grabbed my foot. I fell into the hole and I subconsciously agreed with Sirius about the nastiness of the fall.

"Agh. What'd you do that for?" I grumbled, pushing my sore body off of the ground, rotating my shoulder joint and blinking slightly at the loss of light.

"Well, If you weren't being such a wanker, then I wouldn't have had to, wouldn't I now then?" he said without much enthusiasm, inspecting the dust-lined walls with a vigour I once thought impossible from a boy who had just fell about ten feet into a hole.

I looked up at him, "Language, Sirius." 

"You sound like my mother."

Silence consumed them for a moment before the unthinkable happened.

...Or not so unthinkable, considering.

The _whole floor_ dropped out from under us and as we were falling I screamed to Sirius, "WHAT IN THE _BLOODY HELL_ DID YOU DO?!" and got the sarcastic reply of, "Language, Remus." My leg connected with something solid and I lashed out, desperate to catch on something- _anything-_ and my wish was fufilled. My eyes screwed shut as the first of many splinters impaled itself into my leg. I opened my eyes just in time to see Sirius whiz by my head and I noticed with a detached sort of amusement that he was screaming.

2 hours later, here we were, sitting in silence until Sirius asked with laughter in his voice,Â 

"Did I just fall _up?_ " 


	4. Of Maybe Incidents and Hippogriffs

 The Many Misadventures of the Young Marauders

A/N: So, this is the filler chapter that I had already started writing before the new point that it would be improbable for the Marauders to be friends at such a young age was brought up and before I decided to do a flashback chapter. I rather like this one though, and I may be a bit bias because, you know, I wrote it, but it has James and Sirius and a hippogriff, so how bad could it possibly be?

-l'istesso. 

Of Maybe Incidents and Hippogriffs

Situated safely on the dark green grass in front of the sprawling Potter Manor was Sirius. Looking extremely bored. Extreeeeeeeemely bored. 'Lets-set-something-on-fire-so-that-SOMETHING-might-happen' bored.

"I'm bored,"Sirius announced , because, he was, really, and he was also hungry but he thinks Mrs. Potter may not be in a very 'Sirius-feeding' kind of mood when she told them to "G-GO OUTSIDE, AND _PLAY_ CHILDREN," and, ahem, _gently_ , shoved them out of the door and onto the grass. So, he didn't think that asking for food would be a very good idea if he still wanted all of his hair and no tentacles or rabid hamsters attached to his face. (Honestly, it's not like that vase was irreplaceable or something.)

"James," Sirius said, "James, James, James, James, Jam-"

"WHAT." James cut in. He sounded terribly annoyed and his face was also kind of red and his hands were set in the perfect position to maybe-throttle Sirius.

"I'm hungry. I'm bored. Please fix it," Sirius said, looking up at the sky and lifting his legs so he could see his shoes. He raised his hands to block out the bright sunlight and he fell over to the side, seemingly nonplussed about the fact that his best friend apparently wanted to kill him.

"D'you want me to amuse you or summat?" James asked sarcastically, never moving from his spot on the very green grass beyond the even breathes he was taking, and the rise and fall of his chest occurring. 

Suddenly, Sirius sat up. He looked to his right at the forest surrounding the manor, then to his left at a very bored, very breathing, James. 

"JAMES."

"WHAT."

"WE SHOULD PICK BERRIES IN THE FOREST," Sirius propositioned loudly, and with many hand gestures, despite the fact that James was less than a foot away. 

"OKAY," James yelled back agreeably, then stood up lazily and stretched.

"I'll race you!" Sirius said before taking off towards the forest, cackling and throwing his arms up in the air. 

"You cheated!" James said before following reluctantly at a fast pace.

"Sirius stopped his running and James slammed into his now-stationary back with an audible, "THUMP."

"Oof," James said, poking at his damaged chest.

Sirius pointed to a bush covered in small, blue dots. 

"LOOK!"

"WHAT?" James asked loudly.

"BERRIES!" Sirius said, matching his tone.

"OH!" 

"WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?" James asked.

"SO THE HIPPOGRIFFS COME OVER!" Sirius replied.

"Oh."

"You've stopped the shouting. How rude," Sirius said disinterestedly, before he turned and walked towards the fore mentioned bush.

He stopped suddenly as he approached the bush, struck. And then, a thing that could be called a miracle occurred, as Sirius Black, he-who-does-nothing-timidly-or-even-remotely-in-a-timid-manner, said timidly, "James?"

"I've got to use the loo."

There was a pause, where one could imagine James was processing this absurd notion in his head.

"THE LOO?" James asked incredulously, "NOW?"

"No, next Tuesday, YES NOW," Sirius said, clutching at his crotch area. He jumped up and down a few times for effect.

"You can't go to the loo now," James said.

"AND WHY NOT?" Sirius asked abrasively.

"WE ARE IN A FOREST," James started, rambling off an extremely long list of reasons why he couldn't go to the bathroom in the forest, in which Sirius' mind was doomed to wander. He potted a friendly looking bush off to the side of the path and made a motion as if to go unzip his trousers, until James came up very close to him and hissed in his ear, "Sirius!"

Sirius turned around, annoyed, "In case you haven't noticed, I'm just A BIT bu-u-," the words died on his lips.

"I-Is that a hippogriff?" he stuttered. "YES," James hissed.

"On three, RUN," Sirius instructed.

"...Can you even count to three?" James questioned, jokingly.

"Not the time for jokes," Sirius said, on the verge of hysterics, "One....THREE,"

Sirius bolted towards the opening of the forest with James close on his heels. "I KNEW YOU COULDN'T COUNT," James yelled as they ran.

The red-feathered creature let out a squawk and gave a great flap of its' wings before charging after the two boys. 

Sirius glanced back as he ran and chucked a stick at the beast.

"ARE YOU INSANE?" James panted as they sprinted.

"I think so, yes," Sirius said, running a bit faster as it made another angered sound.

they cleared the forest and stopped, both putting their hands on their knees and leaning forward to catch their breath. They glanced back to see the hippogriff, standing at the forest's edge and making threatening hissing noises. It's eyes seemed to glow, and as it made a sort of snapping motion, James started to scream.

Sirius spared James an incredulous look as he took a large step away from him, the scream still dragging on, very loud, and VERY high pitched.

The hippogriff's eyes lost their rage, and it was now replaced by confusion as the scream dragged on. 

Sirius stared at him from four paces away. Slowly, James' scream died out and he looked around. 

He and Sirius stared at each other before Sirius started to laugh hysterically while James sat back down on the ground and started to breathe once again.

"James." Sirius said, "James, James, James, James, James..." 


End file.
